I havent blogged in so long it feels a little weird, I don’t even know what exactly to blog about. So many thoughts and feelings going through my head that I want to jot down without sounding like an idiot. I shouldn’t care really since its MY blog but still presentation is key I suppose. LOL *smh*

Otherwise le shapu? I’m okay, alive, just breathing I should do cartwheels about that right? So I started driving lessons LOL, such a surreal experience. I keep psyching myself out thinking I won’t be able to do this but I’m pleasantly surprised, my driving isn’t too bad at all. Can I just say that there are so many impatient drivers out there, its shocking. I mean you were all learner drivers once upon a time now le busy trying to be Lewis Hamilton’s on the road *rolls eyes*. I want to get my licence now, left with those two hour sessions where I have to learn how to park a car, that should be interesting. By July I should be driving lol keep a look out for me on the highway :-)

Decided to start studying again, a short course this time in Copywritng for Media at AAA, I start in September. I’m gonna sweet talk my mum into letting me do this economics short course at Wits from July, just to pass time really and to gain knowledge, you never know hey. I’m actually quite excited about this since I have to make due with the fact that nothing I planned for my life last year is actually happening right now. Ja neh, if you wanna make God laugh, tell him your plans. Okay, done of the pity party; one must carry on. Whose to say all these things that didn’t work out aren’t my blessing for something bigger and better? When God says ‘no’ its for a reason akiri? We always force to get hurt to realize why God said no and then only move forward, lol I’m tired of getting burnt thats for sure.

This is my life right now, nothing special but a huge improvement from the last couple of months. Getting my life back on track with all that’s happening, one day at a time right?

Sedi

I think I’m addicted to being in a relationship. I don’t even think my statement makes sense but but ja ke rata go jola. This year is the first time in years where I’m single and by single I mean there’s no guy waiting in the wings gong charmer. I’m always either dating someone or having long flings that have crappy endings where I find myself listening to Whitney Houston’s “Heartbreak Hotel” speaking of Heartbreak Hotel lemme listen to it while I blog this…

Where was I? Oh yes busy confessing that I’m a relationship kind of girl. Well ja, I like dating and when I fall, I fall HARD…I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing (bad thing right now) mara ja ke life. Honestly the whole being with someone thing, them being ‘there’, calls, smses, time spent that shit is what I like. In the 21 years that I’ve been on this earth I’ve had 6 ‘steady’ boyfriends (well exes now) since I was 12 the rest of the guys in the mix were flings that felt like relationships. Six boyfriends in the space on nine years isn’t too bad moes? Ofcourse I had planned our lives together with all 6 when I dated in the respecive time frames of my life *hides* HEY as much as I like acting hardcore I am a girl afterall, tswanetse ke lore nyana akiri? *plays Boyz II Men ‘Dreams’*. At one point or another I’ve claimed to ‘love’ all these guys (respectively ofcourse), when I look back on it now I’m not so sure. Sure, I don’t wanna taint what I felt at the time but the kind of ‘love’ Chrisette Michele sings about in ‘Love Is You’ I have yet to feel.

So manje I’ve been single offically since November but in my head since September so thats five months offically but seven months in my head (bear in mind I’m a weirdo and I didn’t cheat between September and November). I’m not gonna lie and say its great, its not but I know that it is necessary for my well being emotionally. In the last nine years I’ve invested feelings with God knows how many guys and I have yet to breathe. I’m offically emotionally checked-out, I don’t know how to care anymore. This is coming from a girl who loves, LOVE. I guess what I’m trying to get at is this; I’m trying to get to know ME, I’m learning how to love ME without depending on someone else to do it for ME. I know if I had to date someone right now it wouldn’t end well. I wouldn’t be as invovled as I should be and that wouldn’t be fair to the guy. Maybe that’s why I’ve taken break-ups so badly, asking myself why he didn’t love me *rolls eyes* kante ke nna that didn’t love myself; it all makes sense now *plays Chrisette Michele ‘Ephiphany’*

It honestly is a learning curve this being SINGLE thing. There’s no time like the present right? Man I love learning about myself these days :-)

I never thought I’d say this but ya here it goes: My name is Sedi, I’m single and NOT looking for a relationship.

*cues Destiny’s Child ‘Free’*